- I WAS ONLY 16.
I WAS WORKING THE BUTLER LODGE IN HURLEYVILLE, NEW YORK.
- WHO WAS AROUND IN THE CATSKILLS AT THAT TIME?
WHO WERE--'CAUSE THAT WAS ANOTHER TRAINING GROUND, RIGHT?
FOR EVERYBODY. - I, YOU KNOW--
- WAS IT SID CAESAR-- - SID--
BUT SID WAS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE
AND BEING PART OF THE STAFF AT THE AVON LODGE.
YOU KNOW, THERE WAS-- SHECKY WAS STARTING,
AND BUDDY HACKETT-- - YEAH.
- WAS VERY, VERY BIG, VERY FAMOUS.
- DID YOU LEARN STUFF THERE? I MEAN, WAS THAT A VALUABLE--
- YEAH, THE BORSCHT BELT WAS-- WAS A GREAT--YOU KNOW,
BECAUSE THE JEWS WERE VERY STRICT
- THEY WERE A TOUGH AUDIENCE. - YOU SAID--IF YOU SAID,
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MAN OF 1,000 FACES,"
AND YOU DID ONE, AND THE BAND WOULD LAUGH--
- RIGHT. - THEN YOU WOULD DO TWO...
GET ANOTHER--YOU KNOW, THE BAND IS LAUGHING.
YOU KNOW, YOU DID THREE...
YOU KNOW, THE JEWS ARE WAITING FOR 1,000 FACES.
[laughter]
AND I SAID--I USED TO SAY THAT, I USED TO SAY--I SAID,
"MURRAY"-- YOU KNOW, THE BAND.
I SAID, "THEY'RE WAITING FOR 1,000."
- [laughing] THIS IS GONNA GO ON FOREVER.
- THEY WERE VERY--AND THEN-- AND THEN YOU--LATE AT NIGHT,
YOU KNOW, YOU DO YOUR SHOW, YOU WALK PAST THE--THE--
THE TEA ROOM, WITH THE OLD LADIES
WITH THEIR SPONGE CAKE AND THEIR TEA,
AND THEY'D SAY, "MELVIN, YOU STINK, BUT WE LOVE YOU."
- RIGHT [laughing].
- THANK YOU VERY MUCH, YOU KNOW?
"YOU STINK, BUT WE LOVE YOU." ALL RIGHT.
- IT'S A REVIEW, AT LEAST. - YEAH, YEAH, IT'S A--IT'S...
SO I LEARNED AN AWFUL LOT. - YEAH.
[upbeat fiddle instrumental]
ripped by antsh
MEL BROOKS AND YOU HAVE HAD A LONG RELATIONSHIP.
- YES, WE STILL DO. - YOU STILL DO.
- YEAH, IN THAT ROOM THERE EVERY NIGHT.
UH--UH, MAYBE SIX NIGHTS A WEEK, WE SIT AND WATCH TELEVISION.
- REALLY? - YES.
- YOU--THE TWO OF YOU? - YES.
- WHAT DO YOU WATCH? WHATEVER'S ON?
- WHATEVER'S ON. USUALLY, UH-- UH, WE HAD A--A RULE OF THUMB
THAT IF THE-- WE LOVE MOVIES THAT SAY,
"SECURE THE PERIMETER." - [laughing]
- IF A MOVIE SAYS, "SECURE THE PERIMETER"--
THAT'S A GOOD MOVIE.
OR "LOCK ALL DOORS, SECURE THE PERIMETER."
AND THEN WE HAVE OTHER WORDS LIKE, UH, "GET SOME REST."
IF THERE'S A WORD, "GET SOME REST," THEN THERE--
WE KNOW WE'RE IN A GOOD MOVIE.
- WELL, CARL TELLS ME THAT YOU WATCH MOVIES TOGETHER.
- MOSTLY THE BOURNE IDENTITY.
- THE BOURNE IDENTITY. [laughter]
- LIKE, WE'VE SEEN IT MAYBE SIX TIMES, YOU KNOW?
BECAUSE WE'RE OLD AND WE FORGET, YOU KNOW.
WE FORGET WHAT HAPPENS.
[laughter] - IT'S ALWAYS, I SAID,
"CARL, DID YOU KNOW THAT HE GETS OUT OF THIS?
[laughter]
- SO WE REALLY-- WE REALLY, YOU KNOW--
- RIGHT. - WE ENJOY EACH OTHER.
I MEAN, HE'S STILL A-- HE'S STILL A VERY, YOU KNOW,
UH, BRILLIANT, BRIGHT, YOU KNOW, GUY WITH A--
WITH A FAST MIND, AND-- - YEAH.
WELL, THAT--THAT MUST BE SO GREAT TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE MEL
WHO YOU SHARE SO MUCH HISTORY WITH.
- WELL, WE KNEW EACH OTHER SINCE 1950.
- 1950. - IN THE SHOW OF SHOWS WITH SID.
AND THE FIRST TIME I EVER MET HIM,
I NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD.
HE JUMPED UP, HE WAS ALWAYS JUMPING UP.
AND FROM NOWHERE, HE WOULD START DOING THINGS.
- YES. - AND THE ONE--FIRST ONE HE DID
WAS A JEWISH PIRATE, AND HE WAS COMPLAINING.
HE SAYS, "YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO SET SAIL TODAY?"
HE SAYS, "SAIL COSTS ALONE $3.40 A YARD," HE SAYS.
"WE CAN'T AFFORD TO PILLAGE AND RAPE ANYMORE!"
"NO!" ANYWAY, THAT WAS THE FIRST.
I GOT HYSTERICAL.
- AND THEN, SO YOU-- YOU'RE WITH SID CAESAR.
- FOR NINE YEARS.
- NINE YEARS. GREATEST WRITERS-- - BEST WRITERS EVER.
- MEL BROOKS. - MEL BROOKS.
- NEIL SIMON. - NEIL SIMON.
- WOODY ALLEN. - NO, WOODY ALLEN WASN'T THERE.
WOODY ALLEN WOULD'VE BEEN 12 YEARS OLD
IF HE WAS ON THE SHOW, BUT THEY KEPT SAYING HE WAS THERE.
- I ALWAYS SAW HIS NAME ATTACHED TO IT.
- BECAUSE HE DID DO FOUR SPECIALS FOR SID.
BUT WHEN I CAME TO VISIT WHILE THEY WERE DOING THOSE SPECIALS,
I WAS ON THE COAST AND I CAME TO SEE THEM,
AND HE SAID, "WE GOT A NEW REDHEAD."
AND THE REDHEAD WAS WOODY ALLEN.
HE WAS 18 AT THE TIME.
- THERE WERE ALL THESE, UH, GENIUSES.
YOU KNOW, MEL TOLKIN AND LUCILLE KALLEN,
AND THEN LARRY GELBART CAME ON, GOD BLESS HIM.
YEAH, I LEARNED SO MUCH.
YOU KNOW, WORKING-- WORKING WITH THOSE GUYS.
THERE WAS COMPETITION, BUT THERE WAS ALSO RESPECT,
YOU KNOW, FOR--FOR GOOD HUMOR, FOR--FOR STUFF THAT WORKED.
YOU KNOW, AND CARL REINER
WAS ALWAYS THERE. - YEAH.
- AND HE WROTE AN AWFUL LOT OF COMEDY.
- OH, SURE, YOU COULD SEE HE HAD
THE GIFT FOR WRITING-- - OH, YEAH.
AND, YOU KNOW, OF COURSE SID CAESAR IS A GENIUS.
- ONCE AGAIN, WE PRESENT THIS IS YOUR STORY.
AS YOU KNOW, EACH WEEK WE GIVE YOU
THE INTIMATE INSIDE STORY OF SOME PERSON'S LIFE.
NOW THAT PERSON MIGHT BE ANYWHERE
IN THE AUDIENCE TONIGHT.
YOU DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS,
AND YOUR NEIGHBOR SITTING NEXT TO YOU
DOESN'T KNOW WHO IT IS.
THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHO IT IS
ARE WE PEOPLE BACKSTAGE.
NOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE YOUR LIFE, SIR?
- MINE, NO.
- OR COULD IT POSSIBLY BE YOUR LIFE, SIR?
WELL, THEN, IT COULD POSSIBLY BE...
IT COULD POSSIBLY BE YOUR LIFE, SIR.
YES, SIR.
THIS IS YOUR STORY...
AL DUNCY.
[laughter]
HE SEEMS TO BE A LITTLE OVERWHELMED RIGHT--
AL. HE'S A LITTLE--
AL, AL DUNCY, AL...
ATTA BOY, THIS IS YOUR STORY, AL.
NOW COME ON UP HERE, AL.
YES, COME ON UP HERE, AL.
[laughter]
THE INITMATE STORY--
HE'S A LITTLE OVERWHELMED AND OVERWROUGHT,
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
NOW IF YOU'LL JUST COME THIS WAY, AL.
AL, COME HERE.
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE.
WE'RE GOING TO TELL THE INTIMATE INSIDE STORY--
[laughter]
AL DUNCY!
YES, SIR, AL DUNCY!
- SO TELL ME ABOUT THE 2,000-YEAR-OLD MAN.
- I WAS IN THE WRITER'S ROOM,
AND MEL WAS SITTING JUST IN THIS RELATIONSHIP WE ARE TODAY,
AND I SAID, "HERE'S A SCENE."
"HERE'S A MAN WHO WAS ACTUALLY AT THE SCENE"
"OF THE CRUCIFIXION 2,000 YEARS AGO."
"IS THAT TRUE, SIR? YOU KNEW JESUS?"
"HE'S THIS THIN LAD, RIGHT? WORE SANDALS?"
"WALKED WITH 12 OTHER GUYS?"
"ALWAYS CAME IN THE STORE, NEVER BOUGHT ANYTHING."
"ALWAYS ASKED FOR WATER."
"WATER, THEY WOULDN'T BUY ANYTHING."
ANYWAY, THAT WAS THE FIRST ONE.
AND THEN FOR THE NEXT TEN YEARS, THE NEXT TEN YEARS,
ANY TIME THERE WAS A LULL IN THE ROOM,
I'D JUMP UP AND--NOT ONLY-- I WOULD NOT ONLY DO 2,000--
I'D MAKE HIM A PSYCHIATRIST,
I'D MAKE HIM A SUBMARINE CAPTAIN.
WHATEVER I SAID, HE BECAME IMMEDIATELY,
AND--AND I ALWAYS SAID,
GET A GENIUS COMEDY MIND AND PANIC,
AND YOU'RE GONNA GET SOMETHING REALLY GREAT COMING OUT.
[laughter]
- SIR?
IS IT TRUE THAT YOU ARE 2,000 YEARS OLD?
- OH, BOY.
- WHAT WAS THE MEANS OF TRANSPORTATION THEN?
- MOSTLY FEAR.
- FEAR TRANSPORTED YOU?
- FEAR, YES. YOU WOULD SEE-- AN ANIMAL WOULD--WOULD GROWL,
YOU WOULD GO TWO MILES IN A MINUTE.
[laughter]
- WHY DID IT TAKE SO LONG TO MAKE AN ALBUM
OF THE 2,000-YEAR-OLD MAN?
- YOU KNOW, THE INTERESTING THING IS,
WE WERE ASKED MANY TIMES TO RECORD IT,
AND WE SAID, FIRST OF ALL,
IT WAS, LIKE, FOUR, FIVE YEARS AFTER THE WAR.
IT'S 1950, THE WAR ENDED IN '45.
GERMANY AND-- AND HITLER DECIDED
TO DECIMATE THE JEWS, EMBARRASS THE JEWS,
AND--AND I--AND THE MIDDLE EUROPEAN ACCENT WAS AT--
WAS PERSONA NON GRATA.
WE DID IT FOR OUR JEWISH FRIENDS,
AND OUR NON-ANTI-SEMETIC GENTILE FRIENDS.
- YES. - AND THAT WAS IT.
- RIGHT. - AND IT--
IT WAS TEN YEARS, FROM 1950 TO 1960,
WE DID IT AT PARTIES. - YEAH.
- AND TEN YEARS LATER, WE DID IT, AND AFTER DINNER,
AND I REMEMBER IT LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY,
THERE WERE THREE PEOPLE WHO CAME UP.
THE FIRST ONE WAS GEORGE BURNS, WITH A--
WHO I HADN'T MET YET, AND WE HADN'T DONE OH, GOD.
YEARS LATER, WE DID THAT.
AND HE SAID WITH A CIGAR, HE SAYS,
"IS THERE AN ALBUM HERE?"
AND WE SAID, "NO, THERE'S NO ALBUM,"
AND HE SAYS, "MAKE AN ALBUM, OR I'LL STEAL IT."
AND EDWARD G. ROBINSON SAID, "WRITE A PLAY."
"THE 1,000-YEAR-OLD MAN." HE SAID '1,000.'
"THE 1,000-YEAR-OLD MAN."
"I WOULD LIKE TO PLAY THE 1,000-YEAR-OLD MAN ON BROADWAY."
AND THE--THE GUY WITH HIS INFINITE WISDOM
WAS STEVE ALLEN, WHO CAME UP AND SAID,
"FELLAS, YOU HAVE TO PUT THAT ON RECORD."
HE SAYS, "LOOK, I HAVE A"-- WORLD PACIFIC JAZZ,
WHERE HE DID HIS RECORDINGS.
HE SAID, "THERE'S A STUDIO THERE, JUST GO IN THERE."
HE WAS ONE OF THOSE DEAR SWEET MEN
WHO ALWAYS WANTED COMEDY TO GET OUT THERE.
HIS WHOLE THRUST IN LIFE WAS--
- GENEROUS. - TO LAUGH
AND TO HAVE PEOPLE, "LOOK AT THIS GUY."
HE WAS DOING THAT ALL THE TIME.
AND SO WE WAILED FOR TWO HOURS,
AND CUT IT DOWN TO 47 MINUTES.
- DID YOU FEEL THE SUCCESS OF IT RIGHT AWAY?
- NO, THAT'S VERY INTERESTING,
BECAUSE WE--THE-- THE ALBUM WAS MADE,
AND I WAS AT-- AT THE UNIVERSAL AT THE TIME.
I HAD A BUNGALOW NEXT TO A GUY NAMED CARY GRANT.
REMEMBER A GUY NAMED CARY GRANT?
AND I GAVE CARY ONE OF THESE ALBUMS,
AND WE WERE STILL WORRIED WHETHER IT WAS GONNA GET OUT,
AND HARRY--ER, CARY LOVED IT, AND HE--HE CAME IN
A--A COUPLE DAYS LATER, HE SAYS, "CAN I HAVE A DOZEN?"
I SAID, "WHY?" HE SAID, "GOING TO LONDON."
I SAID, "YOU WANNA TAKE IT TO LONDON?"
"YEAH, THEY SPEAK ENGLISH THERE."
ANYWAY, HE TOOK IT TO LONDON, CAME BACK,
AND HE SAID, "SHE LOVED IT."
I SAID, "WHO?" HE SAYS, "THE QUEEN MOTHER."
I SAID, "YOU PLAYED IT?" TO BUCKINGHAM PALACE!
AND I SAID TO MEL, I SAID, "MEL."
I SAID, "THE BIGGEST SHIKSA IN THE WORLD LOVED IT."
- LOVED IT. - "WE--WE'RE HOME FREE."
- YEAH, WE'VE GOT A CHANCE. - BUT IT--BUT IT--
WHEN IT CAME OUT, WE WERE REALLY NOT SURE THAT IT WAS--
AND IT, OF COURSE, IT DID TAKE OFF.
- BUT YOU KNEW CARY GRANT AS WELL, RIGHT?
- YEAH. I WAS WORKING WITH A GUY
BY THE NAME OF MARVIN SCHWARTZ.
I LOOKED ACROSS THE WAY, AND THERE WAS A THING
THAT SAID "GRANART." I SAID, "WELL, WHAT--WHO'S THAT?"
AND HE SAYS, "CARY GRANT. THAT'S HIS COMPANY, GRANART."
CARY GRANT, WOW. DOES HE EVER COME THERE?
I--HE SAID, "YEAH, ALMOST EVERY DAY."
- MM-HMM. - SO...
I'M WALKING TO THE COMMISSARY,
AND I HEAR, "I DON'T BELIEVE I"--
THAT--THAT'S HIS VOICE. I'M LISTENING, I SAID--
HE SAYS, "I DON'T BELIEVE IT. MEL BROOKS, I KNOW YOU."
"YOU MADE A RECORD WITH CARL REINER."
"MY FAVORITE REC"--
I SAID, "ARE YOU IMITATING CARY GRANT?"
"ARE YOU PUTTING ME--" YOU KNOW.
THERE'S A LOT OF GUYS DO CARY GRANT.
YOU DO HIM VERY WELL, YOU KNOW.
YOU KNOW, YOU DO HIM BETTER THAN ANYBODY, YOU KNOW...
AND ANYWAY, YOU KNOW, I KNEW IT WAS HIM, AND I WAS--
I SAID--I SAID, "I'M VERY EXCITED."
I SAID, "YOU KNOW, I'M REALLY A KID FROM BROOKLYN."
"YOU KNOW, I'VE SEEN YOU IN SO MANY MOVIES."
HE SAYS, "WHERE YOU GOING?" I SAID, "THE COMMISSARY."
HE SAYS, "WELL, I'VE-- I'M EATING ALONE."
"EAT WITH ME." I SAID, "OKAY."
AND WE TALKED, YOU KNOW.
YOU KNOW, I SAID I LIKE TO GO TO THE RACES.
HE SAYS, "I LOVE THE RACES, WE'LL GO SOMETIME."
WE TALKED.
THE NEXT DAY, THE PHONE RINGS.
"MEL, ARE YOU-- YEAH, IT'S CARY."
OKAY, BOOM, TWO OF US, LUNCH, CARY GRANT.
WE TALK ABOUT, EH, UH, THE BALL CLUBS.
WEDNESDAY. "MEL." "WHO--WHO IS IT?"
"FOR YOU. CARY GRANT."
"OH, HIYA, CARY, MEL, WHAT'S GOING ON?" YOU KNOW?
WE'RE THE BEST FRIENDS.
THURSDAY. "MEL." "CARY."
BOOM, WE'RE--NOW WE'RE HOLDING HANDS AND SKIPPING
TO THE COMMISSARY TOGETHER.
[laughter]
YOU NEVER SAW US AS TWO-- TWO PEOPLE AGAIN.
AND THEN FINALLY, IT-- YOU KNOW, IT'S FRIDAY.
I SAY, "WHO IS THIS?" HE SAYS, "CARY GRANT."
I SAY, "TELL HIM I'M NOT IN." YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, I'D RUN OUT OF WHAT TO SAY.
YOU KNOW, WHAT--
I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT-- WHAT TO TALK ABOUT.
- AND THEN THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW.
YOU KNOW, THE SHOW ITSELF WAS JUST SO FUNNY.
IT WAS FUNNY, I MEAN--
- WELL, WE HAD FUNNY PEOPLE. - YOU HAD FUNNY PEOPLE,
AND YOU HAD A FUNNY EXECUTIVE PRODUCER/WRITER.
- FUNNY WRITERS, YES.
- AND--AND--AND THAT WAS THE FIRST TELEVISION SHOW
THAT YOU EXECUTIVE PRODUCED AND WROTE?
- I HAD WRITTEN A-- A PILOT FOR MYSELF
CALLED, UH, HEAD OF THE FAMILY. - RIGHT.
- AND IT JUST DIDN'T WORK. I WASN'T--I WAS OKAY,
BUT WHEN I WROTE THAT PILOT FOR MYSELF,
I ALSO WROTE 13 EPISODES BECAUSE I SAID, IF I--
THERE SHOULD BE A BIBLE OF THE-- WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE--
- SURE. - IF OTHER WRITERS COME IN,
AND I'M ACTING, I'M NOT GONNA
HAVE TIME TO-- - MM-HMM.
- SO I HAD 13 EPISODES WHICH WERE IN A DRAWER,
AND I GOT A CALL FROM SHELDON LEONARD,
AND I MET HIM, I SAID, "SHELDON."
"I DON'T WANT TO FAIL WITH THE SAME MATERIAL TWICE."
AND THIS IS A FAIRLY GOOD IMPRESSION OF SHELDON, HE SAYS,
"YOU WON'T FAIL BECAUSE I'LL GET A BETTER ACTOR TO PLAY YOU."
AND HE DID, HE SUGGESTED DICK VAN DYKE.
- DICK VAN DYKE, RIGHT.
- INTRODUCING OUR MAIN CHARACTER DICK VAN DYKE.
- THIS IS WHAT'S KNOWN AS A-- AS A CIRCUIT AUDITION,
CLOSED CIRCUIT AUDITION.
WHICH MEANS THAT IT'S PIPED DIRECTLY TO THE STUDIOS
UP AT 45 MADISON AVENUE, THE EXECUTIVES OF THIS NETWORK.
AND YOUR WHOLE--YOUR WHOLE CAREER CAN COUNT ON IT.
YOU THINK I'D BE NERVOUS.
[laughter]
NO, NO, NO. KIDDING.
THERE'S A MATTER OF TRAINING FOR BEING ON THE STAGE.
YOU LEARN NOT TO GET NERVOUS.
IT'S LIKE TRAINING ANYTHING ELSE.
THEY DON'T ALWAYS TURN OUT THE WAY YOU THINK, LIKE DOGS.
YOU TAKE DOGS, THEY DON'T ALWAYS TURN OUT THE WAY YOU TRAIN THEM.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW FAD NOW? EVERYBODY HAS GREAT DANES.
THE GREAT BIG THINGS.
HERE'S A FELLOW WITH A GREAT DANE,
HERE'S THE WAY THEY COME IN.
ONLY HAD HIM THREE MONTHS AND I GOT HIM COMPLETELY TRAINED.
[laughter]
OH, BOY. OW!
OH. OH, BOY.
OKAY.
[laughter]
HERE, BOULEVARD, HERE, BOY.
[whistling] [heavy footfalls]
- WHOA!
[laughter]
- DICK IS MAYBE THE BEST SITUATION COMEDY ACTOR
IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. - IN THE HISTORY, HE--HE--
- ANYWAY, HE CAN DO-- BESIDES BEING A BRILLIANT ACTOR
AND COMEDIAN, HE'S A DANCER, SINGER,
YOU KNOW, HE DOES EVERYTHING, AND WITH GRACE.
AND THEN WE FOUND MARY TYLER MOORE,
AND, UH, SHELDON SUGGESTED ROSE MARIE.
- MM-HMM. - AND ROSE MARIE SUGGESTED MOREY
WHICH WAS EVEN MORE-- - RIGHT, RIGHT.
- SO THE--THAT THING CAME-- - THE COMMUNITY WAS BIG.
- YEAH, IT--IT--IT CAME TOGETHER CORRECTLY, YEAH.
- YOU KNOW, I'LL NEVER FORGET MEETING YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.
YOU-- - WHERE DID--OH, DID WE MEET
ON THE SUSSKIND THING, OR BEFORE--
- NO, IT WAS--IT WAS TWO DAYS BEFORE THE SUSSKIND SHOW.
THE SUSSKIND SHOW WAS CALLED JEWISH SONS,
AND IT'S HARD TO IMAGINE, BUT THERE WASN'T TALK
ABOUT JEWISH ANYTHING ON TELEVISION AT THAT TIME,
AND YOU TOOK OFF AND-- REMEMBER THAT?
- WELL, YOU WERE GREAT.
- DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR AVERAGE GENTILE GIRL?
- WELL, IT'S HARD TO BRING A GENTILE GIRL HOME
TO A JEWISH FAMILY.
WHAT YOU DO IS,
YOU BRING HOME A BLACK GIRL FIRST.
[laughter]
- I HAVE NEVER SEEN MY MOTHER'S FURNITURE, TO THIS DAY.
I HAVE NEVER SEEN IT.
[laughter] - WHY?
- BECAUSE ON EVERY PIECE OF FURNITURE AND ON THE LAMPS
IS A SHEET TO KEEP THE DUST-- - OKAY, OKAY.
- RIGHT, TO KEEP DUST OFF THE FURNITURE.
BUT WHAT REALLY IS CRIMINAL
IS THAT MY MOTHER HAS FOUR GREAT PAINTINGS
WHICH WE HAVE NEVER SEEN. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.
SHE HAS A SHEET OVER EACH PAINTING.
- AND THEN WE MET AT THE RUSSIAN TEA ROOM
FOR LUNCH TWO DAYS BEFORE THAT. - YEAH.
- AND I WAS STANDING IN FRONT OF CARNEGIE HALL,
AND THERE WAS A SIGN BEHIND ME OF THE STUTTGART BALLET
THAT WERE PERFORMING-- - REALLY, I DON'T REMEMBER.
- YEAH, I REMEMBER THAT. - AND YOU SAID, "DAVID."
"WHAT IS IT THAT THEY'RE NOT SAYING?"
AND WHAT DID YOU SAY? SAID, "NAZIS!"
- YES, YES. THEY'RE NOT, THEY'RE NOT--
- THEY'RE NAZIS! [laughing]
- YOU'RE RIGHT, THEY'RE NOT SAYING THAT.
I MADE A FINE LIVING FROM NAZIS.
- YEAH. - WELL, THE ONLY WAY--
SERIOUSLY, THE ONLY WAY, YOU KNOW,
TO GET EVEN WITH ANYBODY IS TO RIDICULE THEM.
- CORRECT. - SO...
THE ONLY REAL WAY I COULD GET EVEN WITH, UH--
WITH HITLER AND COMPANY WAS TO BRING THEM DOWN WITH LAUGHTER.
- THERE IS A YIDDISH EXPESS--EXPRESSION THAT IS,
"DANCING ON HITLER'S GRAVE."
- YES. - AND THAT'S, IN ESSENCE,
WHAT YOU'RE DOING. - THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING.
- [music] SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER
[music] AND GERMANY
[music] MEANS THAT SOON WE'LL BE GOING
[music] WE'VE GOT TO BE GOING
[music] YOU KNOW WE'LL BE
[music] GOING TO WAR
- AND THEN YOU DIRECTED REMARKABLE MOVIES,
ONE AFTER THE OTHER. - YEAH, WELL, THAT--
THAT STARTED WITH, UH, ENTER LAUGHING,
WHICH, UH, I DID WHILE I WAS DOING THE VAN DYKE SHOW.
- AND WHAT WAS IT LIKE WORKING
WITH STEVE MARTIN, WHO YOU WORKED WITH A LOT?
- STEVE MARTIN IS THE WORST HUMAN BEING I'VE EVER MET.
HE'S JUST AN AWFUL HUMAN BEING.
AND YOU CAN TELL THAT, CAN'T YOU?
WHEN HE GETS ON-- - YEAH, SURE.
- AND SO STEVE IS JUST TOO GOOD, HE'S REALLY--
- REMARKABLE. - THE BEST.
THE FOUR I DID WITH STEVE WERE MY FAVORITE MOVIES OF ALL TIME.
- RIGHT. - THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS,
WE DECIDED TO DO A SILLY MOVIE.
IT WAS STEVE'S IDEA TO DO A MOVIE ABOUT A BRAIN.
HE LOVED THAT DONOVAN'S BRAIN,
SAID, "LET'S DO A MOVIE ABOUT A BRAIN."
- RIGHT. - THAT'S ALL WE HAD.
I HAD A MASSEUR THE OTHER DAY WORKING ON MY NECK.
I HAVE--I HAVE AN 88-YEAR-OLD NECK,
AND EVERY TIME-- IT HURTS WHEN I--
- YOU'VE GOT THE MOST REMARKABLE 88-YEAR-OLD NECK I'VE EVER SEEN.
BELIEVE ME. - WELL, IT HURTS. ANYWAY.
SO HE--HE STARTS TO DO, "MY NAME IS, UH, DR. HFUHRUHURR."
"H-U-H-U-F-U-R-R-R." - [laughing]
- AND HE SAYS, "DR. HFUHR--" "NO. HFUHRUHURR."
AND HE STARTED DOING-- HE SAID THERE'S A CLUB
OF EIGHT--HE SAID, EIGHT OF TEN OF HIS FRIENDS.
THEY KNOW EVERY LINE FROM THE-- FROM THE MAN WITH TWO BRAINS.
- THAT'S GREAT. - WHILE HE'S MASSAGING ME,
HE WENT THROUGH THE FIRST FEW SCENES.
YEAH, OH, YOU KNOW, THESE LITTLE FUN THINGS
THAT HAPPEN TO YOU IN LIFE, I--MY SON LUCAS HAD AN ART SHOW,
AND A GIRL WORKING ONE OF THE BOOTHS SAID,
"OH, MR. REINER, YOU DIRECTED ME IN A MOVIE ONCE."
I SAID, "REALLY?" SHE WAS A 35-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.
AND I SAID, "I DON'T REMEMBER."
SHE SAID, "MAN WITH TWO BRAINS. I WAS THAT FIVE-YEAR-OLD GIRL."
WHERE A CAR HITS KATHLEEN TURNER,
SHE FALLS AND HITS HER HEAD-- - YES.
- AND SHE'S LYING THERE, AND STEVE MARTIN SAYS TO HER,
"LITTLE GIRL," HE SAYS.
"CALL EMERGENCY ROOM 317452-SOMETHING."
"ASK FOR DR. SO-AND-SO."
"TELL HIM I WANT AN E.R.T.C., AND ONE OF THESE 2174."
"AND TWO-- TWO CCs OF--"
HE GIVES HER ABOUT THIS MUCH THINGS.
HE SAYS, "REPEAT IT." AND SHE--
AND SHE REPEATS IT PERFECTLY.
- OH. THAT'S GREAT. - PERFECTLY.
AND SHE SAYS, "SOUNDS LIKE A SUBDURAL HEMATOMA TO ME."
"SUBDURAL HEMOTOMA? YOU WET BEHIND THE EARS?"
"IT'S EPIDURAL, YOU-- GET OUT OF HERE!"
- [laughing]
- THAT WAS THAT LITTLE KID. GAVE ME SUCH PLEASURE.
AND I READ--I RACKED IT UP THE OTHER DAY
TO SEE THAT LITTLE KID, TO SEE WHAT SHE LOOKED LIKE
WHEN SHE WAS-- WELL, SHE'S NOW A WOMAN.
- SO NOW WHO-- WHO MADE YOU LAUGH?
I MEAN, SID CAESAR, OF COURSE. BUT BEFORE THAT.
WHO WERE, LIKE, YOUR INFLUENCES? WHO--WHO WERE THEY?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW. THE MOST, UH--
WHO MADE ME LAUGH THE MOST? UH, THAT'S A VERY GOOD--
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
I THINK IT WAS THE RITZ BROTHERS,
REALLY HAD ME CLUTCHING MY STOMACH.
- HERE YOU ARE. PLAY THAT, BUDDY.
- AND THEY WERE NIFTY DANCERS. - THEY WERE MUSICAL.
THEY DID MUSICAL NUMBERS THAT WERE UNBELIEVABLE, YEAH.
- UH, HARRY RITZ WAS IN THE CENTER,
AND THERE WAS AL ON ONE SIDE, AND JIMMY ON THE OTHER.
- [music] OLD MAN JENKINS HAD A CAT
[music] HE LOST HIS CAT ONE DAY - [music] HOO HOO
- [music] AND WHEN HE COULDN'T FIND HIS CAT
[music] YOU'LL HEAR OLD JENKINS SAY
[music] OH
[music] HERE PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY
[music] HERE PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSS
[music] HERE PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY, PUSSY
[music] WHERE'S THE GOSH DARN CAT?
- THAT'S ENOUGH OF THIS.
NOW GET OUT OF HERE!
- [music] OH, PUSSY, SWING ON DOWN
[music] OH, PUSSY, PUSSY, PLEASE COME HOME
- AND THEY USUALLY WERE THE COMEDY RELIEF
IN SONJA HENIE PICTURES, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
- YEAH, THEY NEVER-- THEY NEVER STARRED
LIKE, THE MARX BROTHERS. - THEY STARRED IN A--A--
ACTUALLY IN A RACEHORSE PICTURE.
- OH, A RACEHORSE, RIGHT. - BUT, UH...
NOT LIKE THE MARX BROTHERS, THEY NEVER REALLY BECAME STARS--
- RIGHT. - IN COMEDY, REALLY.
BUT THEY WERE INCREDIBLY FUNNY, BECAUSE...
THERE WAS AN OLD, OLD, OLD, UH, UH, JEWISH COMIC IN--
FROM RUSSIA OR FROM POLAND. HIS NAME WAS AARON LEBEDEFF.
- YES. - AND HE DID, UM--
[clears throat] A SONG, BRILLIANTLY COMEDY--
COMIC SONG CALLED ROUMANIA. - ROUMANIA.
- YOU KNOW-- - I KNOW THE SONG.
- [music] ROUMANIA ROUMANIA ROUMANIA...
- [vocalizing]
IT'S A--IT'S AN ONOMATOPOETIC SONG--
- AND HARRY RITZ KIND OF FASHIONED HIS DELIVERY AFTER--
- OH, OH. - SO HE'D SAY,
[foreign-sounding vocalizations]
AND HE WAS-- WITH HIS EYES CLOSED,
AND HE WAS HYSTERICALLY FUNNY,
AND THE THREE OF THEM WITH THEIR HEADS--
YOU KNOW, THEY WERE-- THEY WERE AMAZING.
- AND THAT GIBBERISH, THAT TALKING IN LANGUAGES,
THAT WAS VERY POPULAR, ESPECIALLY IN RUSSIAN.
EVERYTHING RUSSIAN WAS WHAT THEY WERE DOING.
- [Russian-sounding vocalizations]
I MEAN, HE WOULD DO-- I MEAN, IT WAS FABULOUS.
I'D SEE HIM ON-- I FINALLY USED HARRY.
I GOT TO DO-- PUT HIM IN A MOVIE.
- UH-HUH. - IN SILENT MOVIE.
THERE WAS A TAILOR'S DUMMY IN THE WINDOW,
WITH PAPER, YOU KNOW, WITH THE--
WITH THE BROWN PAPER AND WITH STITCHING, AND--
HE WENT IN AND HE BOUGHT THAT AND HE CAME OUT WITH IT.
THAT WAS HIS SUIT, YOU KNOW, WITH THE PAPER.
AND HE WORE IT LIKE ADOLPHE MENJOU.
- OF COURSE. - YOU KNOW, IT WAS SO--
HARRY RITZ. - YEAH.
CARL, IT IS A PLEASURE FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU.
I--YOU WERE SUCH AN INFLUENCE ON ME AND THE WHOLE WORLD.
I'M JUST SO HAPPY TO BE HERE.
- WELL, IF I'M AN INFLUENCE ON YOU, THEN I'M VERY PROUD,
BECAUSE YOU TURNED OUT SO GOOD. - AWW, THANKS.
- WE DID MEET WHEN YOU WERE 23 YEARS OLD.
- 22 YEARS OLD, YEAH, YEAH. THANK YOU, CARL.
SO MUCH. - MY PLEASURE.
- SO MUCH. - THANK YOU.
[Aaron Lebedeff's Roumania playing]
[music]
- I'VE ADMIRED YOU, EVERYONE ADMIRES YOU,
AND ME AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
- SO FIT ME IN. YOU DON'T--
YOU DON'T HAVE TO USE ALL OF WHAT I'VE SAID.
- UH, MOST OF IT WAS-- [laughter]
- I THINK MOST OF IT WAS GOOD, YOU KNOW.
MOST OF IT WAS GOOD.
- THANK YOU. I'LL-- I'LL FIGURE OUT HOW TO CUT IT.
- YOU KNOW, IT-- YOU KNOW, IT'S--
IT'S A PLEASURE TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I DON'T DO THIS. I DO IT FOR YOU.
- THANK YOU, MEL. - BECAUSE YOU'RE A NEEDY JEW.
[laughter]
- I JUST HOPE AND PRAY YOU GET PEOPLE TO DO THIS WITH YOU
AS BIG AS I AM. [laughter]
YOU NEVER-- YOU NEVER KNOW, YOU KNOW?
[Aaron Lebedeff's Roumania playing]
[music]